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Index (By Taxonomy)


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Saltwater Crocodiles

SALTWATER CROCODILE ( Crocodylus porosus ) Modified from Wikipedia; original image by Molly Ebersold, 2004 Crocodiles are big, scaly animals that live in the warm parts of the world and can eat just about anything. Saltwater crocodiles are like regular crocodiles only bigger, hungrier, and arguably more impressive. Appearance Saltwater crocodiles are not only the largest living crocodilians, but also the largest living diapsids by weight (diapsids are a group that also includes lizards, snakes, turtles, and birds). While not as long as the reticulated python or as adorable as the spectacled caiman, they make up for length and cuteness with mass, topping out at around 1200 kg (~2600 lbs for my friends south of the border). For reference, if you've ever seen a cow and thought "damn, that's a big animal", you should know that the biggest bulls are only around 1100 kg, and also that crocodiles eat cows, so fuck you. They also have bony plates on their body call
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Hawksbill Sea Turtle

  Image modified from wikipedia;  original image by Thierry Caro HAWKSBILL SEA TURTLE ( Eretmochelys imbricata ) Okay so this one is going to be a little bit biased because hot golly gee god damn do I enjoy turtles. Especially  sea turtles. I just really think they're neat. Anyway, I'm going to try really hard not to give them undeserved points here, unlike my other reviews, where points are awarded based on extremely stringent criteria. Appearance Adult hawksbill turtles are, on average, one meter long, and weigh about 80 kg (roughly 3 ft and 150 pounds in freedom units). This seems pretty big for a turtle, but when compared to an absolute monster like the leatherback sea turtle, which grows up to 3 meters long and weighs as much as my old Kia, you realize that hawksbill turtles are the dainty lads of the sea, surpassing only the Ripley sea turtle in size. They are a rare combination of beautiful and adorable. Like, they have doofy little flippers and faces like grandmas, but
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Little Red Kaluta

LITTLE RED KALUTA ( Dasykaluta rosamondae ) Original image by Marie Lochman These weird little critters were brought to my attention by my friend Jen Mawhinney of Fredericton a few years ago and have been rattling around in my brain (figuratively) ever since. I think they're pretty neat, but does my completely arbitrary rating system agree? Appearance Kalutas are unassuming mammals that look like adorable fuzzy little mice. They are not mice, but they're soft and fluffy with big eyes and pointy little snoots and whiskers and oh my god I can't even stand looking at them they're too cute. They fit in the palm of your hand and you could probably put one in your pocket and carry it around and give it little things to eat from time to time. Whoever gave them their common name (and their Latin name, which I'll talk about at length later) seemed to think that they're red but I would call them a staunch brown. So, you know, that's bullshit. Points:  0.5/
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